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I'm So Jealous of My Gay Neighbors

Filed in archive General by Justin McHenry on October 08, 2007

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I love my gay neighbors. But I'm very jealous of them.

Like last night. It was Sunday, right? They had a big party. We weren't invited, but we wouldn't have gone anyway because our kids had school today. Point is, they can have parties on Sunday night.

My gay neighbors just got back from vacation. Drove down their driveway in their BMW, returning from Africa. Yeah, Africa. Not only that, it was at least their third vacation this year, although a couple of those might have just been long weekends. All I know is, they're always flying off somewhere.

Their other car is some kind of limited edition SUV; I can't remember what. But costly no doubt.

One of the pleasures of being gay, it appears, is the pleasure of having two incomes and no kids. You've got time and money coming out the yinyang.

Don't get me wrong. I love my kids. They're a lot of fun a lot of the time (the rest of the time let's not talk about). But they cost a lot of money. I'm sure when I'm old and dying and at least one of them faithfully sits by my bedside holding my hand, the $300,000 or so it cost to bring them all up will look like a worthy investment.

But when they're yapping in my ear non-stop about some inflatable toy they want because the toy they got last week is old and boring and I glance out the window to see my gay neighbors sipping highballs while relaxing on their Adirondack chairs on their front lawn, I am so, so jealous.


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