Eliot Spitzer's Only Shot: Pushing for Legalized Prostitution

Filed in archive General on March 11, 2008

Like many, I was disappointed to see Eliot Spitzer nabbed as a repeat user of high-priced prostitutes. (And boy do they make a bundle. See here for figures, and the high percentage of rich people that use them.) Not so much because I care about what he did (although seeing that sad wife by his side at the press conference was rather heart-breaking), but because of his image as the squeaky-clean superman going after the bad guys. It just feeds into the feeling that deep down everyone's a hypocrite. How long before we find out Barack Obama has smoked pot? (Oh, wait...)

But there's a reason people with money and power are where they are, and I think Spitzer's going to weasel out of this. Here's how: he's going to use that crime-fighting image to turn the tables, claiming he was doing some undercover work before his big push for legalizing prostitution. He'll call for changes in the law, claiming that millions of dollars are going untaxed, dollars that could be helping the people of New York. And now that he has tried prostitutes for himself, he can honestly say they're not so bad, and that it's time for a change.

Sure, some people will get on him about this about-face, saying the moral crusader is changing his mind out of political expediency. Spitzer's suggested response:

"If I had been caught drunk driving, an activity that has proven to be dangerous to myself and others, I could claim an alcohol problem, get a little rehab, and be back on the job in no time. Some of you would even celebrate me for setting a good example by admitting my problem.

But who is prostitution really hurting? Sure, I might've gotten a little high from the sex, but it's not the kind of high that would make me run a red light or drive too fast. And did you hear how much I had to pay? Lawyers have nothing on the call girl profession when it comes to hourly rate, and they both screw... well, let's not go there.

So today I'm calling on the citizens of New York to unite with me in bringing the world's oldest profession out of the darkness and into the light, out of non-profit status and into corporate taxation rates. And for those of you who disagree, I can only say, don't knock it until you try it."

It's a longshot, but if Marion Barry could be elected mayor of D.C. after buying cocaine on film, there's no reason Spitzer shouldn't go for the Hail Mary here.